When Being ‘The Good Daughter’ Came at a Cost: How a Trauma Therapist in Falls Church, VA, Helps You Reclaim Yourself
One part of you knows: you’ve got it. You know how to do things right. You take care of everything and everyone, and you do it well. After all, you have been the perfect, good girl since childhood.
But another part of you whispers something else. From the deep corners of your mind comes something cruel. It tells you: what could you possibly know? You’re just a fake. And even though you look like the put-together good girl on the outside, just wait until they all find out the truth. That you’re a fraud.
Growing up as a good girl can be a double-edged sword. You have worked so hard to keep things easy, peaceful, and calm, and maybe everyone does see you that way. But the price of doing that is the inner turmoil you are constantly experiencing. And with that, the struggle to actually listen to your own needs and signals.
As a trauma therapist in Falls Church, VA, this is a dynamic I’ve seen many times before. Let’s dive in more below.
When did the “Good Girl” Story Begin?
You probably started being the good girl very young, AND out of necessity. Being a “good girl” can often be associated with or code for people-pleasing and/or perfectionism. These can be ways to survive chaos and unpredictability, especially if you grew up in stressful environments means with a highly critical or emotionally abusive and/or neglectful mom. If you kept her calm and happy, if she did not see your flaws, if you had it all together, or even took care of her, everything would be okay. Her criticism would be more predictable, or maybe even quieted for a while. If you were perfect, you could keep the peace.
Why the Good Girl Facade is Hurting You
BUT that means that, from a young age, you learned to operate according to someone else’s needs and have had a hard time listening to your internal signals. At Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, we understand that people-pleasing and keeping the peace can also begin as parent-pleasing and sacrificing yourself.
Imagine a thermostat versus a thermometer: In an ideal world, your parents function as a thermostat when you are growing up: the temperature is set, and they help regulate you when you get too low/too high outside of that temperature. If your parents struggle to do this, they may be more like a thermometer, going up and down with YOU needing to be the one to tune in and figure out how to slow them and calm them. This is what happens when the good girl part of you comes out. You are using this part of you to be perfect, on point, untouchable. The world is less conditional and unpredictable. It becomes less scary if you can already use this tool to calm those around you. But, because you struggle to listen to your own needs, you may struggle with anxiety, burnout, feeling numb/disconnected, and low self-esteem.
How Mother Wound Therapy Addresses Trauma AND Perfectionism
Mother Wound therapy is focused on the unique relationship challenges and grief between you and your emotionally immature mother, as well as how it has pervaded and impacted various parts of your internal and external world. Because it is highly specialized, it also focuses on rebuilding your internal world and your relationship to your true self—not the self you became in order to be a perfect, good girl version of what everyone else needed or wanted you to be. Mother Wound therapy is similar to childhood trauma therapy, helping you to rebuild your identity, find your playful, silly side, and discover the parts of you that you have always wanted to explore. This all occurs while also developing higher self-esteem, an increased tolerance for learning (rather than a belief that you are a failure), and an increase in love of yourself.
Work with a Mother Wound & Trauma Therapist at Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy in Falls Church, VA
Alice Zic, MPH, LCSW | Trauma Therapist & Owner of Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, LLC
Start Your Healing Journey with a Trauma Therapist in Falls Church, VA
At Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, we provide gentle, trauma-informed care to help you rediscover safety, strength, and a renewed sense of self.
Here’s how to take the next step:
Click below to book your free 15-minute consultation call.
Fill out the brief pre-consultation form.
Meet with trauma therapist Alice Zic to discuss your needs.
Begin the path toward healing from childhood trauma with childhood trauma therapy.
Online Mother Wound Therapy in Falls Church, Virginia
My virtual practice is located in Falls Church, Virginia, but as a therapist licensed in Virginia, I offer online therapy to residents of the entire state. Mother wound therapy becomes much simpler this way, at any stage of life and of healing. You can join your sessions right from the comfort of your home—no commuting or stressful traffic involved at all. Book your free intro call below to get started!
Other Services Available for Support in Falls Church, VA
Alongside our work with childhood trauma, Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy also offers online therapy for challenges like teen anxiety and the lasting effects of parentification. Whether you’re navigating emotional stress or striving to set healthier boundaries, we provide a supportive, nonjudgmental space for healing—accessible wherever you are.
About Alice Zic, Trauma Therapist in Virginia
Alice Zic is a licensed trauma therapist in Connecticut and Virginia. She specializes in helping daughters of emotionally immature mothers heal from mother wound trauma and perfectionism, and walk into a future filled with self-love and confidence. Alice is an attachment-based therapist who is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. IFS is a trauma-informed and evidence-based modality that supports healing the mind and body. If you would like to learn more about Alice, please click here. If you would like to work with Alice, please click here to schedule your free consult call today.