How Does Parentification turn into Hyper-independence?
You were responsible, independent growing up: the “good” kid. But for some reason, that external version of you? It doesn’t match the internal version of you. Inside, you’re scared, anxious, terrified of the next bad thing happening. You desperately want to be connected to others, to get and receive help, but you never find yourself able to do it. Instead, the wrong people come your way, or they don’t “get you,” or that shaming voice in your head just ruins everything good.
What’s going on here?
Gaslighting Breakdown by Trauma Therapist in Colchester, CT
When gaslighting occurs repeatedly in childhood, it disrupts your ability to connect to yourself and develop self-trust. Why does this matter? When your self-trust is distorted, your understanding of what trust looks like in important relationships become confusing and can lead to repetition of these harmful patterns in later relationships. It can also make it difficult to feel confident and secure.
Let’s dig into a few signs of what pervasive gaslighting looks like—both signs within childhood and signals you notice in adulthood.
Do I Wish My Narcissistic Mom a Happy Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day is supposed to be fun, but it fills you with dread
As the day looms closer, you aren’t sitting there thinking about the wonderful conversation you and your mom will have or the lovely day you’ll have together. Instead, your anxiety is growing bigger and bigger as you wonder what should you do?
You are afraid of taking a misstep, of doing the wrong thing. You are constantly walking on eggshells around her. How do you handle this holiday when the two of you have so much baggage together?
This Teen Therapist in Colchester, CT Says Not To Rescue
Your teen is having a hard time. And you’re lucky because they’re bringing their problems to you. But your advice isn’t working! You keep trying to tell them what to do. Your solutions are so simple. But your teen won’t listen! You give them option A. They won’t budge on it. You present option B. They give you reasons as to why that won’t work.
You’re getting frustrated. How are you supposed to help your teen through these lows?
How People Pleasing Shows up with Internalized Oppression
The story in your head goes, “I’m the problem. And since I’m the problem, I better make sure everyone else is always at ease. Because of me. The way I move. The things I do. The way my very being threatens others.”
This story has been embedded in you. Not because you truly own it, but because the world around you has made you feel unwelcome in your body and skin. So it’s just easier. Just make them comfortable, right?
But where does that leave you?
How to Ask for Help if You Had to Figure it Out on Your Own
You grew up fast. Maybe you had to figure things out because if you brought up your feelings, your needs, asked for help, you were shamed, told you were “too much.” That felt lonely. Over time, that gave you the strength of independence. You love that part of you, but you also notice it can make you guarded, hesitant to reach out for support. At the same time, you are so caring. You desperately want to let others in, but you are not sure how. How do you learn to be vulnerable and to ask for the help you want and need?