Understanding the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma: How Trauma Therapy in Falls Church, VA, Can Help You Heal
“Ugh, it happened SO LONG AGO. Why do you keep bringing it up? That is what that one, critical voice in your head tells you every time you get a little closer towards naming your childhood as what it really was—childhood trauma.
You feel alone in your experience. In your family, it seems as though you are the only one who sees it. All your other family members have long since told you, “You are too sensitive” and “who cares about that?” Or “why are you being so dramatic?”
You are none of those. You just wanted compassion.
The thing is, you notice things a bit differently. And you notice that you feel deeply. And while you feel deeply, you also feel like sometimes…your past is getting in your way somehow. You keep repeating these same, hurtful, confusing patterns. And you want to get to the bottom of what childhood trauma is doing in your present. This is where childhood trauma therapy in Falls Church, VA, can help.
So, let’s dig in.
What Causes Childhood Trauma?
The impact of childhood trauma can vary from person to person. When we break down all of the “events” and look at what is happening to the body, mind, and nervous system, these are some of the experiences that are typical in childhood trauma:
Relational childhood trauma experiences, which can include physical and emotional abuse and neglect, such as:
Not having your needs seen, valued, or met
Being terrified or afraid of people/adults who are supposed to show you love and care
Not knowing when or whether your basic needs will be met
Being continually and unexpectedly shamed or made to feel “crazy” by adults around you
Feeling unsafe, unprotected, and surrounded by unpredictability
Not having your boundaries honored and respected
Taking care of adults and/or children around you rather than being taken care of
When these elements of childhood trauma collide, it creates multiple factors that can lead to emotional turmoil.
Systemic forces that can cause childhood trauma can include:
Living in a community and/or household violence
Struggling with access to food, water, shelter, and transportation
Community-based or environmental experiences that left you feeling like your world was unsafe, untrustworthy, unpredictable, or that your future was not guaranteed
It’s not about the “what.” When you are existing under these circumstances, especially in childhood, your brain/nervous system is also overwhelmed, WHILE it is developing. This means that your brain is not fully equipped to think analytically or logically. The human brain does not finish developing its most advanced, logistical-thinking part until adults are in their mid- to late-twenties. What this means is that experiencing chaos, uncertainty, and insecurity in childhood affects how you learn to think, develop, and grow. It means that you learn to operate in survival mode and that your body has a harder time feeling safe.
Can childhood trauma resurface later in life?
Yes. When you experience trauma at a young age and learn to live in “survival mode,” your body and nervous system learn to operate differently. It may mean that you can feel easily emotionally flooded, or overwhelmed by moments that “seem” small, but are very triggering to the young version of you that still feels unhealed. Let’s take a deeper dive into how unhealed childhood trauma can impact you.
What are the signs of unhealed childhood trauma?
Signs of past childhood trauma in your present daily life can include:
Low self-esteem
Codependency
People-pleasing
Difficulty navigating conflict and/or expressing anger
Anxiety
Difficulty relaxing
Tendency to be stressed, overwhelmed, or “prone” to crises
Tendency to overwork and then feel burnt out
Fear of connecting to, making new friendships
Feeling the pressure to hide your true feelings or your authentic identity from others
Dissociation
Self-doubt
Self-abandonment
What is the impact of unhealed childhood trauma?
Over time, unhealed childhood trauma may not just impact day-to-day moments. It can impact the quality of your relationships, how you feel about yourself, and even go beyond affecting your mental health and affect your physical health too. Here are some ways that you can be impacted:
Difficulty making and maintaining meaningful and close relationships
Burnout at work
Loneliness/isolation
Feeling like you are living in “extremes:” either disengaged and numb or “out of control,” even if it doesn’t always reflect who you are
Chronic medical conditions from living in “survival mode” for years/decades
Feeling the need to cope by numbing, or by things that you may label as “good” at times or “bad” at other times (disconnecting from others, doomscrolling, craving validation from others, seeking support from food or substances to take care of emotions)
Childhood Trauma Doesn’t Just Affect You. It Affects the People Around You, Too.
Yes, you may notice internalizing certain stories and beliefs about yourself. You may notice your body can quickly feel threatened, but outside of what goes on internally, you actually realize your relationships and how you relate to others in the world around you have been impacted as well. Maybe you are afraid of making someone else angry, or you are quick to anger, but later realize you felt silly about your reaction. Maybe you feel terrified of being perceived by others, so you hold back from expressing yourself authentically and realize that you feel incredibly lonely, wishing you could have more genuine relationships. Maybe you are used to unpredictable behavior, and you often find yourself on edge, waiting and waiting for someone to explode or unload on you.
Your body feels uncertain moving through calm waters, especially in a relationship with others. If this has been a pattern or an emerging pattern, this can also be a telltale sign and impact of childhood trauma. We often seek what is familiar to us (even if it is scary) rather than the discomfort of safety. And if you grew up in a volatile environment, chances are your relationships can replicate that volatility, whether they are romantic, platonic, or work-based.
How does attachment play a role in childhood trauma?
What is attachment?
Attachment is the emotional bond that begins between child and caregiver, but as you grow, it evolves into the way you relate to others and your body’s intrinsic understanding of trust and security in your world.
Attachment, Trauma, and Wounding
You might be someone who says, “But nothing actually HAPPENED to me.” Or you may think, “Well, my needs were actually met, so why do I feel so terrified and anxious and down all the time?” This is where attachment, relationships, and bonding play an important role.
Your basic safety needs may have been met, but did you feel seen, heard, or cared for? Did you have someone to go to when you needed help or when you had a problem? When you needed something or felt scared, were you able to bring up these worries to a safe adult?
When our most important needs are neglected, or when we are made to feel small, invisible, or insignificant during the most important developmental years of our lives, it can contribute to relational wounds—one type of childhood trauma. This can mean that you felt emotionally insecure or grew up with an insecure attachment style, or the feeling that you could not reasonably trust other people in your life, or trust that they would not abandon you.
What are the different attachment styles?
There are different attachment styles, or ways of learning to relate to others and your environment. This begins early in life, but even though it is learned early, it can shift and change as you have new experiences.
Secure: You have deep trust in your world and in others. You do not worry about their intentions or have suspicions about others constantly eating away at you. You typically believe that things will work out, even when you experience a challenge.
Anxious: You feel fearful when the people you care about are away from you. What if something terrible happens to them? What if something goes wrong? What if you make a horrible mistake and you can’t fix it?? Deep down, you worry that if you are apart and not close at all times, you will be abandoned.
Avoidant: Closeness makes you nervous, even though you crave it. You just don’t know how to show it, and so rather than feeling open and vulnerable, you shut down. When others are mushy, emotional, and vulnerable, it makes you uncomfortable, and you turn away or ignore them. Deep down, you worry that if you get too close, you will be abandoned.
Disorganized: Life was a nonstop stream of unpredictability from a young age, so you feel like everything is chaos. One moment you want to be close, another apart. You cannot tell what others’ cues for safety are, and you do not feel certain about whether closeness to another person is an option. It just feels like danger everywhere.
Why does this matter? These attachment styles can help frame how you learned to relate to others from the very beginning of your life. And, in the context of childhood trauma, if your world felt unsafe, it illuminates another layer of why you may or may not feel distrust, anxiety, or disease in relationships today. Understanding this context can support foundational work in childhood trauma therapy and support appropriate goals for your growth and healing.
What type of therapy is best to heal childhood trauma?
The truth is, honestly, that there isn’t one simple answer to this question, and there isn’t one “magical cure” or “fix” to healing.
(I know. That’s NOT what you wanted to see.)
The process of healing is certainly a journey, and one of the most important factors in that journey is the relationship between you and your trauma therapist.
Why is the therapeutic relationship so important in trauma therapy?
Many aspects of childhood trauma involve rupture that is relational or interpersonal, and so, in the present day, your experiences in relationships can feel confusing, painful, or triggering. At Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, childhood trauma therapy is not just about healing the past. It is also about allowing your body to begin experiencing safety, trust, empowerment, and vulnerability in relationships, or in the presence of another person. Finding a therapist with whom you can build a solid foundation and who is a good fit with your needs is going to be critical to this process.
Effective, Ethical Trauma Therapy Deals with What is Unspoken
Trauma therapy that is ethical does NOT rush into discussing your most painful memories. Trained trauma therapists are skilled in supporting you to build safety in your body.
You may be someone who feels disconnected from your body or who has trouble naming or understanding your emotions at certain times. That is okay. In trauma therapy, you may first work on rebuilding this connection to your body and understanding how to communicate with it. This matters because in moments of crisis, panic, fear, anger, and threat, we usually disconnect and can have trouble noticing what we are doing (which is normal). But, working on strategies to support you in reconnecting following these stress responses can be extremely helpful in paving the way towards long-term healing.
It is with time and with building these skills that processing past memories begins. This can be done through a variety of techniques, including Internal Family Systems (IFS), sand tray, Somatic Experiencing, and EMDR. All of these techniques involve focusing on internal body processes and support you in connecting to your body when processing hurtful pasts, while also helping to rebuild your capacities and strengths in the present. In short, these are not cognitive, short-term, solution-focused therapies, but techniques that open the door to relating to your whole self and paving the way for loving each and every version of you: hurt and healed and past and present.
Start Online Therapy for Childhood Trauma in Falls Church, Virginia at Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy:
Alice Zic, MPH, LCSW | Trauma Therapist & Owner of Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy, LLC
Click the button below to schedule your free 15-minute consultation phone call
Complete the pre-consult questions
Consult with Alice Zic
Begin your journey toward healing and becoming a confident you with childhood trauma therapy.
Online Therapy in Virginia
Why waste time in Virginia traffic when you can easily get to your therapy session online? I offer online therapy for childhood trauma throughout Virginia. Simple, convenient, and no hassle! Learn more and get started below:
Expanded Therapy Services in Falls Church, VA & Colchester, CT
Alongside our work with childhood trauma, Nurturing Willow Psychotherapy provides online therapy for issues like parentification trauma and anxiety in teens. We create a safe, supportive environment where clients can strengthen boundaries, reduce stress, and begin the healing process from wherever they are.
About Childhood Trauma Therapist, Alice Zic, LCSW in Falls Church, Virginia
Alice Zic is a licensed clinical social worker in Connecticut and Virginia. She is a childhood trauma therapist who specializes in helping adult daughters of emotionally immature mothers and parentified children of immigrants heal past trauma and lean into self-love and self-compassion. Alice is an attachment-based therapist who is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. IFS is a trauma-informed and evidence-based modality that supports healing the mind and body, while also allowing for reparenting. Alice uses IFS in conjunction with other trauma-focused techniques, including sand tray therapy. If you would like to learn more about Alice, please click here. If you would like to work with Alice, please click here to schedule your free consult call today.